Hearing you scream
by speakingwordsofwisdom
Summary: An alice based monologue, set in breaking dawn, while Bella i pregnany with renesmee


**I got my GCSE results!!!!!!! I got 4a*s!!!!!!!!!Yayyyyyyy!!!!!!!**

**I also finished reading breaking dawn about ten minutes ago, lol.**

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I've never in my life, as much as I can remember of it, regretted the decision I never had a chance to make. The consequence of which gave me a second chance at life, a second chance at having a family, a second chance at finding love for myself.

I've never wished to be anything other than what I am now.

But at this moment? At this moment I feel like I would give up anything in the world, in my past or my present or my future to not be able to hear you scream any more.

Bella. Omigod, do you have any idea how much I wish I could take your pain for you?

That's what I should be doing- finding some way to transfer your hurt onto myself so you don't have to suffer any more. And I know that's impossible. I know I should be wishing just for Carlisle to be able to help you.

But there's nothing Carlisle can do either.

There's nothing anyone can do. I might as well wish for the impossible, since that covers about everything.

Bella, there is nothing I wouldn't do for you, and you know that. There's no pain I wouldn't endure to end yours right now.

So it kills me that with everything I want to be able to do for you, I can't even do the most basic thing and be with you while you endure this.

I want to be down there so much....and instead i'm up here, hiding in the attic, listening from a distance to you scream in pain, able to hear everything.

Every gasp.

Every snap.

I love you, and instead of helping you, I have to sit here and listen to that...that thing....torture you. If it was a person hurting you, I could stop them. If it was anything else, I could save you from it.

But not this. The one thing that hurts you worse than anyone else in the world is also the thing that you love more than anything else in the world.

You don't have to be psychic to imagine how much it would destroy you if we were somehow able to kill the thing.

Of course, that wouldn't stop me. If there was a way of killing it without it killing you. If you didn't have your guard with you.

But it's impossible.

Maybe its a good thing i'm up here. I can hide what I feel, the burning, searing hate and anger inside me that grows with every second.

Rose. You don't love her. Don't pretend you are doing this to protect anyone's interests but your own.

Do you hope Bella will die, so you can have that thing all to yourself, to raise like your lost children? I'd ask you. But i'm afraid of how you will answer.

The thing inside you.... Bella, I know you love it. I've seen how your eyes shine, just thinking about it. I know how much you want it, and I know how much you want us to love it with you.

But I can't. I can't I can't I can't.

I can't love something that causes you so much pain. That might even kill you in a few days.

It goes against my natural instincts.

And....Bella. I can't me mad at you right now, I can't be angry at you when you're going through so much already...except I am.

God, do you have any idea how much self control it takes for me to make myself just sit here while you shriek in agony as that thing snaps your ribs like they're nothing?

When all I want to do is fly downstairs and tear the thing out of you so it can't hurt you any more?

Do you want to die so much, Bella? Isn't this family worth staying alive for?

You can't believe you'll survive this.

How would we even begin to tell Charlie? I honestly think something like that could push him over the edge....don't you care?

Don't you care what it'll do to me, to Edward, to all of us?

If I didn't love you so much, I couldn't be this angry at you for putting yourself through this.

Bella....i'm scared. You can't die.

I don't know how anyone will cope if you do.

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**Virtual cookies if you review!!!!!! Please review, cos I start 6th form soon, and I know it's going to suck, so I need reviews to keep me cheerful :)**


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